All Your Base

Once upon a time in college I got into speed runs. Put your panties back on. Here are all of my various gaming feats in chronological order.

Super Mario Bros. 2

What were you doing on America's birthday in 2005? I celebrated in the only way I knew how: playing hours and hours of Super Mario Bros. 2. This is the inaugural run on this game, which is why it has been beaten so badly so many times.

Super Mario Bros. 2

Terrible recording of a run that has stood the test of time. And by that I mean no one else likes this game enough to actually play through all the levels. I die embarrassingly on the very last level. Toad is my character of choice.

Kid Icarus

I did this one because it was there, and because no one else had. This game has a reputation for being notoriously difficult, which can only mean that I'm some sort of god for completing this. The best part of the game isn't featured in the run, though, which is being turned into a terrible half-man/half-eggplant abomination.


This is the only game I ran out of spite. Everybody wanted to see Contra beat quickly, but no one would do it. Then some guy said he was running it, and it seemed promising. And then a year went by. Then he posted again that he was working on it. And I was all, "UR MOM!" and then I beat the game in 11 minutes. The fastest time on video before that was an emulated run that clocked in at around 13 minutes. Impressed?

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

A very difficult way to play this game. This goes through the entire game without dying on purpose. Dying is a very good strategy in speedrunning in general, because it usually restores your health/magic/whatnot. I end up dying by accident near the end of the run, after I got screwed by a red potion not spawning, but it doesn't count as "abuse". This run was so difficult and time consuming that I thought it would last forever. It's turned out to be one of more hotly-contested variations. I'm proud of this run; it took a lot of effort to devise the experience strategy, and I was the first one to to attempt this category.

Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

One of my favorite games of all time. This run starts from a "New Game+" file, which means you start with all your powerups from when you beat the game. This beat the world record (at the time) by one second, although that record had no video proof, so I had to devise my own strategies.

Pitfall: The Mayan Adventure

A fun game that extends the story of Pitfall Harry from the famous Atari 2600 game Pitfall! You play his son, who is trying to rescue the original Pitfall Harry from WARRIOR SPIRIT, which is, by far, the best name for a final boss ever.

Ninja Gaiden

I hated this game so much. I even kept a little journal as I was practicing. I won't link to it here, because it's ridiculous, but you can probably find it on the net if you look hard enough. It gives a detailed look into how much I hate this game. This run was pretty sweet, though.