Note that the probability that there's some idiotic grammar or spelling mistake in this post that invalidates everything I might have to say on this issue is probably pretty close to 1. But you should still take everything I say as gospel. Obviously.
If you've ever wanted to appear smarter than you are (believe me, it's possible), you should learn how to write. I've noticed that when people write, I can usually tell immediately if their IQ is lower than mine just by running through a few simple rules. If you want to fool me into thinking you're not a hideous, drooling neanderthal (I just assume everyone is ugly until proven otherwise), here's a few steps to help.
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Learn how to spell definitely
- Keyboards should come with built-in electroshock therapy for when someone types "definately." Just typing that makes me want to take a shower.
- As a general rule, and given the abundance of spell checkers (e.g. Google) you should spell everything correctly, but "definitely" is one that makes me want to burn you in effigy
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Learn how to use punctuation
- Incorrect comma spacing ,while seemingly unimportant , can make even the smartest people look retarded
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Learn what an apostrophe means
- When writing, you should never confuse they're/there/their or its/it's
- Also, backquotes are not an acceptable substitute for apostrophes.
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Learn your homophones
- lose != loose, and I hate you if you think differently. They aren't even pronounced the same!
- led != lead, one is a verb conjugation, the other is a soft, malleable metal
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Never use lazy acronyms
- Not only does IANAL look obscene, but is cyclically redundant because anyone who would type that is clearly not intelligent enough to be a lawyer anyway
- Including but not limited to: YMMV, IMO, IMHO, FWIW, LOL, ROFL, LMAO, ROFLMAO (although this one is pretty hilarious), HTH, IIRC etc.
- Acronyms that are actually meaningful or enunciated (like SQL, HTML, API, etc.) are acceptable