Note that the probability that there's some idiotic grammar or spelling mistake in this post that invalidates everything I might have to say on this issue is probably pretty close to 1. But you should still take everything I say as gospel. Obviously.
If you've ever wanted to appear smarter than you are (believe me, it's possible), you should learn how to write. I've noticed that when people write, I can usually tell immediately if their IQ is lower than mine just by running through a few simple rules. If you want to fool me into thinking you're not a hideous, drooling neanderthal (I just assume everyone is ugly until proven otherwise), here's a few steps to help.
Learn how to spell definitely
- Keyboards should come with built-in electroshock therapy for when someone types "definately." Just typing that makes me want to take a shower.
- As a general rule, and given the abundance of spell checkers (e.g. Google) you should spell everything correctly, but "definitely" is one that makes me want to burn you in effigy
Learn how to use punctuation
- Incorrect comma spacing ,while seemingly unimportant , can make even the smartest people look retarded
Learn what an apostrophe means
- When writing, you should never confuse they're/there/their or its/it's
- Also, backquotes are not an acceptable substitute for apostrophes.
Learn your homophones
- lose != loose, and I hate you if you think differently. They aren't even pronounced the same!
- led != lead, one is a verb conjugation, the other is a soft, malleable metal
Never use lazy acronyms
- Not only does IANAL look obscene, but is cyclically redundant because anyone who would type that is clearly not intelligent enough to be a lawyer anyway
- Including but not limited to: YMMV, IMO, IMHO, FWIW, LOL, ROFL, LMAO, ROFLMAO (although this one is pretty hilarious), HTH, IIRC etc.
- Acronyms that are actually meaningful or enunciated (like SQL, HTML, API, etc.) are acceptable